Sunday, 28 July 2013

Aristocrats and the Right Testicle for the Right Man

The ruling classes have always had funny notions concerning the natural order of things. From leeches in their codpieces, to eating human flesh to cure impotence, our aristocratic overlords - forever obsessed with 'reason' - have long depended exclusively on 'scientific' methods to ensure their superiority over the rest of us. 

A major factor has always been, and still is, the need for procreating male children so the 'Son and Heir' (including the 'Spares') held within their DNA would continue to improve in pedigree from one successive generation to the next. Male offspring are far more important to aristocrats compared to females. Consider the disposable-status of 'brood mare' Princess Diana compared to the preciousness of the grandson she never lived to see. Males are also considered more valuable in the context of the aristocratic religion Natural Selection. Hence, why royal regalia always features a male lion and never a lioness.

One of the most bizarre methods employed by the aristocratic classes to ensure male protegee  I've recently uncovered is to be found in the 1891 book 'The Essentials of Conception' by a Mrs Ida Ellis. The book was considered mandatory bedside reading by the gentry well into the 20th century. According to Mrs Ellis, 'Anaxora' - the belief that boys came from the Right testicle and girls came from the Left testicle was - could be controlled using 'reason' in order for his Lordship to produce a male descendant. The 'scientific' method which
Mrs Ida Ellis promoted was for the men of the gentry to tie a tight ligature around their left testicle during intercourse.

This harnessing of the left testicle - considered to be a wasteland filled with troublesome females - was to act as a dam, so the males could race like pedigree horses during Ascot week straight from their right testicle 'gentleman's club' unrestrained by the clutter of females escaping from the left testicle. You can also see how this mentality was scaled up by the aristocrats in terms of their 'men only' tennis, golf and gentlemen's club. While reading about this absurdness, I was reminded of that remarkable image of the first woman to run at the Boston Marathon being literally attacked by all these New England blue bloods from Harvard and Yale.

In 1902 with the discovery of the X-Y chromosomes, the strapping of the left testicle by his Lordship was no longer relied upon to create male children. So they just aborted females instead or put them in psychiatric hospitals when they reached marrying age if no suitable groom could be located for breeding purposes.


  1. Right nutters, the lot of them!

  2. Ironically I recall reading in New Scientist, well over a decade ago, that intelligence had been determined to be carried on the X-chromosone, measured in terms of charm and sense of humour. It also mentioned that intelligence was generally expressed in the male. While not mentioned in the article, the upshot of this as I interpret it, is that intelligence is analoguous to colour blindness. Namely that intelligence is recessive and while it is coded in the X-chromosomes, it nevertheless ends up normally being expressed only in the presence of a Y-chromosome. This leads to a conundrum. How can obsessive patriarchical societies hope to survive? .. or even how can humaintiy hope to survive in a game of domination over love for one another.