Sunday, 13 April 2014

Spin Cycle or Quick Rinse Baby...

I once rewired an old washing machine to act as a Community Vibrator for a poor African village I was volunteering in. It was a 1980's Maytag machine with a 110 volt power supply at 60 cycles on the spin setting. By removing the coil, rewiring it and placing the drum slightly off-centre I managed to create a powerful vibration effect at 220 volts and 130 cycles. 

This delighted the women in the village and female aid workers to no end. Then things really got amazing when I hooked up a solar power unit to the output side of the transformer and converted the motor to a brush-less DC unit and the Maytag Vibrator was able to power itself without needing to be plugged in. Just needed a sunny day and lots of them in Africa.

Last time I checked, it had dug a trench between Gambia and Cameroon and is on its way to Liberia where the female population have already declared me a living god.

Now you would think with my humanitarian work in Africa I would get asked to speak at TED, but I wasn't. Just goes to show you that the real heroes in this world are forgotten. Wankers.

PS: Cult members and their 'recovery' facilitators, along with other spiritual motherfuckers. The above is called satire. It's not actually real. It is how comedy works.