I am getting really bored with this idea that shamanism, spiritual development and consciousness awakening is some kind of positive experience.
I know not one single person who had a meaningful conscious awakening that was positive. It is mainly traumatic, miserable, full of a desperate sense of trying to hang on to... "something"...anything. It tears your entire sense of self and soul asunder - while during most of it, you wish you were dead - and at certain times you are hardly aware that you are even alive anymore. The universe will gorge upon your being within its apathetic jaws, and then shit you out the other end as if you are nothing.
And that is precisely what gives it value and makes it magnificent.